Hello, All. It is the future. 2020, just like Barbara Walters always said. I speak to you now from a magical device where I can type words any time of the day, from anywhere, and when I make it so, it will send them to all of you. You may have heard of the Internet and computers, because you are in the future, too.
The second day of 2020 brought me some very good news but as I don’t think I’ll be allowed to announce it for a week or so, let me just say it was a good way to start the year. (I ended 2019 much the way 2019s go, in bed with a migraine. Good riddance, 2019!)
I think you should all know that I did it. I saw Cats. It was the best worst movie experience of my life. We saw a 7:00 showing at the theater downtown and I was delighted that when we went to get tickets at 6:45, there was huge line full of people with cat ears on, whiskers painted, ready to go. The theater was packed, despite it being a Monday night. I’m guessing the entire back row was drunk. I had bought us cat ears at Michaels on my way and by the time we got tickets, we had to sit in the front row but really, is there any other way to view this film other than uncomfortably close?
The movie starts, somehow the thing begins, and never have I felt a theater be more united in its utter bafflement as the opening scene began and the entire place broke out into horrified laughter. There was a lot of laughing, shrieks of confusion, drunken and not-so-drunken yelling at the screen. As the first song mentions the Jellicle Choice, a girl in the back yelled ‘THE CATS JUST WANT TO DIE!’ Twenty minutes later, Rebel Wilson starts singing into a … meat … tube … thing that is never explained and I yelled out “WHAT IS THAT?!” in shock and confusion. At one point, I was laughing so hard that I started choking and that, ladies and gentlefolks, is what true joy is all about.
Cats is objectively a bad movie. I cannot say with a straight face that I would ever watch it again on my own. However, it is the perfect movie for watching in incredulous delight with friends while drinking copious amounts of alcohol or downing sweets like there’s no tomorrow. Also, Mr. Mistoffelees can get it? Don’t judge.
Finally, finally, I managed to make it to a theater on New Year’s Day to see the latest Star Wars. I’m one of those unwashed heathens that didn’t really like The Last Jedi. I know, I’m the worst, a real manbaby. It’s always been weird to me the dichotomy on the internet that if you didn’t like TLJ, you were somehow the worst of people? I didn’t even dislike it for the reasons I think most people did. I was fine with what had happened to Luke. One of my favorite storylines to explore is what happened to “chosen ones” after whatever they had been destined to do had happened and I thought this made a lot of sense. I liked Rose Tico as a character, although I felt her relationship with Finn felt forced. Even all the Rey/Kylo stuff was cool with me because they had a weird dynamic that seemed to work. I liked them getting through to each other but ultimately pulling apart. What I had trouble with was how shitty they made Poe Dameron and that what I truly loved, the dynamic between Rey, Finn and Poe, was completely gone. So yeah, sue me. I didn’t like TLJ.
Which is why I went into RoS completely blank. I had truly loved Force Awakens and didn’t like TLJ so I had no idea what I would feel about this movie and was kind of okay with that? Here is where spoilers for RoS start so if you want to avoid, skip to after the line.
I actually quite liked the idea behind the latest movie. By having Rey be a Palpatine, they could create the narrative, reinforced by Finn being an ex-storm trooper and Poe a drug?? smuggler???, that good people can come from bad circumstances. I think they should have revealed that Rey was a Palpatine much earlier so it became less “WHAT IS HER NAME?!” and more of her reckoning with her heritage but it is what it is. I also don’t think it’s a bad change? Because this is Star Wars. This is a fantasy in space. Each arc has had a chosen one: Luke, Anakin, Rey. This is exactly the kind of story where the circumstances of your birth and your destiny determine your path. By making her be good from bad, she continues Luke’s tradition as well as foils Kylo Ren being bad from good. If I wanted a story about normal people doing great things in space, I’d watch Star Trek (which I do because I also love it.) Star Wars is about big epic family dramas about good and evil. This made sense to me.
The biggest travesty, in my opinion, was not letting Finn and Poe kiss, let’s be real. They have the most chemistry of any of the actors on this show and you cannot tell me that Poe yelling Finn’s name constantly didn’t mean something. Luckily for me, I discovered pretty early on that you can pretend that Finn and Poe are together for the entirety of the movie and nothing in the film contradicts it. Please to enjoy this secret joy along with me.
I agree that a lot of the movie felt rushed and muddled. I agree that there was just not enough screen time for Rose Tico. I agree that there was a lot wrong with this movie. But it also gave me General Hux as a traitor (something I didn’t know I wanted), it gave me a great moment of Rey and Kylo saving each other (I’m not a true Reylo but I do love their dynamic), it gave me C-3PO having an important plotline, and it gave me what I truly, truly wanted: Rey, Finn, and Poe spending time together.
The movie wasn’t perfect but at the end, when Rey rushed to Finn and Poe and they had a huge group hug, I teared up. That’s what I wanted. That feeling is what I wanted. So for that, thanks, Star Wars.
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